Why Modern Dating Misses the Mark — and What I've Learned to Make it Work

If dating feels frustrating, confusing, or like a string of underwhelming experiences that never go anywhere… I totally get it.

I’ve worked with hundreds of coaching clients over the past 15 years, and one of the most consistent things I hear — often in the very first session — is some version of this:

“I’m trying. I feel like I'm doing all the right things, but I'm exhausted/jaded/over it.”

People tell me they’re having all the right conversations. Going on all the right dates. But something still feels off. The connection just isn't there, the spark isn't sparking. And it leaves them wondering if something is wrong with them, with other people, or with dating itself.

Let me say this clearly:
There’s nothing wrong with any of us.
But there is something broken about the way we’ve learned to relate and communicate.

The Disconnect at the Heart of Modern Dating

Over the past 15 years of teaching the beautiful practice of authentic relating and coaching people in dating and relationships, I’ve seen a painful pattern over and over again:

We’ve been taught how to perform in dating and relationships — but not how to connect.

Most people go on dates with a mental checklist and a curated version of themselves. They know how to say the “right” things. But underneath that, they’re terrified of being rejected for who they actually are.

And so, date after date, it ends in the same place:
Small talk. Topical surface surfing. And sadly, fizzling or ghosting.
And a growing sense of loneliness, even when you're doing all the "right" things.

This is not your fault — it’s the result of a culture that trains us to seek validation, not intimacy. To avoid discomfort, not embrace it. To filter and curate and swipe, instead of really and truly be with each other.

I’ve lived this too. I’ve been through the heartbreak, the confusion, the patterns that kept repeating. And it’s exactly that path — through the frustration, and into the practices that changed everything — that led me to create The Authentic Dating Course.

Authentic Dating Is a New Way to Relate — One That Actually Works

After thousands of hours coaching individuals and couples, I began to see what skills, tools, and ways of relating really make dating work. It’s not charisma. It’s not good looks. It’s not clever one-liners or game-playing.

It’s this: Vulnerability, courage, genuine curiosity, attunement, and deep honoring of self and others.

These are the cornerstones of authentic dating — a practice I now teach to clients around the world.

The most meaningful relationships I’ve seen people create through this work didn’t come from perfect profiles or knowing a bunch of dating tips. They came from showing up wholly, fully, and honestly, and inviting the other person to do the same.

That’s what authentic dating is about. It’s not just a concept. It’s a set of skills — skills you can learn and practice.

What I Teach My Clients — and What You’ll Learn in the Course

When I coach clients 1-on-1, the very first thing we do is to slow down, which also involves seeing how fast we're moving through life, conversations, and interactions. We explore what's actually happening in the body, in the moment, what stories are running in the background, and what gets in the way of full, true self-expression.

We work with the Five Practices of Authentic Dating — welcoming everything, assuming nothing, revealing your experience, owning your experience, and honoring both self and other — and we build from there. These aren’t just concepts. They’re tools that totally transform how you experience dating.

And it works. I’ve seen people who used to freeze on first dates start sharing openly and confidently.
I’ve seen clients who were terrified of rejection begin to lean into vulnerability and create real intimacy.
I’ve seen people attract connections that nourish them on every level — emotionally, intellectually, spiritually.

The Authentic Dating Course is the distillation of all of this work. It’s everything I teach my clients, structured in a way that builds from the inside out — from self-awareness to relational mastery.

What You’ll Learn in the Course

This is not a collection of surface-level dating tips. It’s a full transformation in how you relate — to yourself and to others.

Here’s what you’ll walk away with:

• A deep ability to slow down, notice what’s real, and connect from presence instead of performance.

• The skills to reveal your truth in ways that invite closeness rather than push people away.

• Tools to navigate assumptions, awkward moments, and disconnection with curiosity and grace.

• An embodied sense of self-worth and sovereignty, no longer outsourcing your value to someone else’s opinion.

• The confidence to set context, hold boundaries, and show up with clarity and integrity — no matter the situation.

I've used these skills myself in my own life, every day and with everyone. This is the framework I’ve used to help thousands of people date with more honesty, confidence, and connection.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect — You Just Need to Be Real

If you’re tired of feeling like dating is something to endure…
If you’re done wondering why meaningful connection seems so rare…
If you’re ready to drop the performance and bring your whole self to the table…

Then welcome. I made this course for you. 

You don’t need to “get better” at dating.
You just need to learn how to be more you — courageously, clearly, compassionately.
That’s the foundation of authentic dating.

Let’s walk that path together.

— Ryel

Ready to experience it for yourself?
Watch the free lesson: “Revealing and Curiosity”
Or dive right in: Explore the full Authentic Dating course